A few years ago, a young mother who was familiar with my team’s work reached out to me. She had a simple question, “Dr. Dale, what can I do to help my son become a doctor?” My first thought was, this is a pretty easy question, I help students get into medical school all the time. Then it hit me, this mother didn’t just want an answer such as 1+1=2, she wanted to know how to develop her child into someone special who could become a leader in medicine. That’s why she came to me instead of Google. At that moment, I decided to take on her challenge and answer the question to the best of my ability. That answer turned into my book, “How to Raise a Doctor: Wisdom From Parents Who Did It!” I learned a great deal in writing this book, as I surveyed and interviewed over 75 parents of physicians. Here are five key points these parents taught me.
- It’s okay to suggest medicine as a career to your children. The first step in a child wanting to become a doctor is knowing that this career is an option for them. The power of suggestion is very real and as your children grow, a million things will be thrown in their faces by others. As the parent, be the one to make the best suggestions. It doesn’t mean that your kids will take to them, but at least they’re aware that mommy and daddy think highly of these things. What better person to influence their future career than you? If you feel medicine is a respectable field, you should suggest this to them, then expose them to it. One way you can expose your children to medicine is by asking your family doctor or pediatrician if your child can follow them for 30 minutes one day (or longer depending on their age). Just remember to suggest…not force.
- Set high expectations for your children. Physicians tend to be overachievers, and that character trait is developed at a young age. Children need to be pushed (within reason) in order to see what they are truly capable of. If we don’t set high goals for them, we’ll never know if they could have reached them. Children love challenges and thrive on accomplishment. This gives them a sense of confidence. By teaching them about expectations at a young age, they learn to set their own as they grow. This provides order in their life which is essential to success as a physician.
- You’re in charge! You approve your children’s friends. Nowadays, it seems as though society would have you believe children are in charge. I’ll tell you one thing, these doctors’ parents were in charge of their own homes, not the kids. One of the most important predictors of your child’s success will be who their friends are. At a young age, you get to pick who these individuals are and as they get older, you retain veto power. It is essential that you exercise that power when necessary. Your job here is to surround your children with friends destined for excellence. That doesn’t mean destined for riches or fame, it means destined to impact the world in a positive manner.
- Learn the process to get into medical school for yourself. My parents are the perfect example of this concept. Neither one of them are medical doctors, however they both went out of their way to learn as much about the field as possible. I remember as a child, they’d buy magazines and books that had all the college academic stats, and they would study these as if they were going to be tested on it. In life in general, the people who excel in certain areas tend to have others in their lives who know those areas well and provide guidance. You don’t have to be a doctor to learn what it takes to become one. Most of the parents I interviewed took it upon themselves to learn enough so they could serve as a useful resource for their children. You need to become your child’s best academic advisor.
- Practice value-based parenting. Without question, the most important thing parents of physicians emphasized was teaching them values at a very young age. Responsibility, integrity, and grit are among the most essential. These three things are key to become a medical doctor and those who lack them will likely be weeded out somewhere along the line. By instilling these values in your child early on, you are setting a foundation for success in whatever field they ultimately choose.
My children are still young so writing How to Raise a Doctor at this stage in their lives was a blessing to me. I had the opportunity to gain some of the best parenting advice from individuals who have done an excellent job. My wife and I have no specific intention to raise doctors, but we most certainly do plan on raising leaders. These 5 points will be among our most important guiding principles as we do that.